


God, please help me

by mellarkberries



Category: Hunger Games (2012), Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Abuse, F/M, Love, Oral Sex, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-31
Updated: 2013-03-31
Packaged: 2017-12-07 03:02:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/743443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mellarkberries/pseuds/mellarkberries
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: Katniss gives me the most intense look I’ve ever seen. If it’s at all possible, I think her eyes are on fire… With everything that has happened in my life, I never thought I’d find this sense of peace and happiness. For the first time in my life, here being with Katniss, I feel like I’ve seen God.</p>
            </blockquote>





	God, please help me

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Day 7 of Prompts in Panem March 2013
> 
> Quote Inspiration: “There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.” - Friedrich Nietzsche

Chicago. 1990s. Been here for 5 years now. It’s been a whirlwind of booze, sex, and getting into trouble. It’s been the best years of my life.

That’s not saying much though, cause of what was my life before. I came here at the age of 18. Hitchhiked the whole way here from the small mining town I was originally from. Couldn’t wait to leave. Good old mom showed me her love by planting some good old shiners on my face. To put it mildly, she was a huge fucking bitch. 

I never knew what my poor dad saw in her. My father was warm, selfless, kind and a hard worker. My mother, on the other hand, was the exact opposite. When she met my father, she was an angel. He met her at church of all places. It was too bad he didn’t know she was just a snake in sheep’s clothing. He slaves away everyday at the town bakery and she sucks him dry (and not in a good way). She spends all on his money on things that don’t matter. I think I’ve even heard my father cry at night in the attic when he thinks no is around or no one is listening. Hate is a strong word, but I hate my mother.

I didn’t believe in God, how could I when I was raised by that evil woman, but during my last year of high school, after she smacked me across the face so hard that blood splattered on the wall to screams filling the room from my little brother, I knelt down on both of my knees and prayed to whatever godly entity that existed and asked if he or she could get me the hell out of here and safely.

It hurt me to leave my father behind. I wanted to tell him about my plan to get out of there and to take him with me, but he wouldn’t have left. He was too loyal and so I didn’t tell him. I knew my brothers would be ok in the end. She always used me as a punching bag, not them. If she knew I was leaving, she would have locked me up, who knows maybe even killed me, just not to give me the satisfaction of having freedom. I left in the middle of the night when she was dead asleep. I didn’t say goodbye to my father. I knew he would understand and I think he would actually be happy that I finally left, that I finally wouldn’t have to put up with her shit and her constant abuse. I walked for about an hour until I thought it would be ok to start my trek towards any place that wasn’t home. A few days later, I found myself in the cold, breezy city of Chicago.

For the longest time, I knew that one day I would leave and need money, so I saved every penny. I saved enough to last me here for a while. Rented out a cheap apartment on the bad side of town. It wasn’t much but it was still better than the hell that was home.

One day I went to grab a beer at the local bar. I started up a conversation with a young man named Finnick. He was interesting enough but most of all he seemed like a good enough guy and I needed a few good people in my life, so that I could rebuild.

We built a friendship, Finnick and I. We both had an interests in the arts. Finnick was a musician. He was also pretty funny. Overall, I liked the guy. One day he came over to my place. He couldn’t believe I was living in that shit hole. He suggested we find a new place together. At first, I was hesitant. I hadn’t put my trust in someone since my father, but I had to take some risks in life. I had to not let the fear my mother instilled in me go with me wherever I went. If I let that happen, then I would never really leave home behind. The nightmares and fear would just drown me and so I decided to trust Finnick. We moved into a decent place on the north side. I didn’t think it would happen, but Finnick and I have become like brothers and not once has he ever disappointed me. I trusted the right guy. Finnick was the first person that made me think, maybe the world isn’t so bad after all.

Now, Finnick may be a solid guy and someone to always have a good time with, but as far as life, we were at different places. Even though Finnick was older than me, he liked to live a young life, filled with women, sex, alcohol, and partying. For the first four years here, that was my life too and I loved it. I was young and having fun in one of the most amazing cities in the world. I had a beautiful woman in my bed (a different one mind you) at least every week but I felt empty. There was no connection. It was just sex. I couldn’t trust any of them. I had trust issues with women. I wonder why.

———-

Things have changed in the past year. I’ve been getting tired of the same girls in my bed who don’t mean nothing. I’m getting tired of the same old bars. The same guys yelling, screaming and throwing punches. This life that I’ve been loving for so long has become a shit show and I’m sick of it. Finnick says I just need “some new pussy”. I’m glad he thinks it’s that simple. Don’t get me wrong, I love Finnick like a brother but either he’s putting on a show or he really enjoys this life. Eventually, you gotta get tired of it but he doesn’t. While I love him, I can’t keep living this life. He understands and he’s been urging me to change things up, live the life I really want to live, whatever that may mean.

Funny, I’ve been here for 5 years and I don’t know one place that’s not seedy or filled with drunken girls and rambunctious assholes.. I can’t think of anywhere to go that might have just normal people there. I decide to hit up this joint named Mockingjay’s on the corner of 5th and Ludlow. I don’t know, it seems like nice folk go in there. Dressed up to the nines. I decide to spiffy up. Yea, it’s a classier crowd but it’s all the name bullshit just at a different price tag. Guys and girls talking, guys trying to get the girls into bed, booze, more booze, cigarettes in the air. The only difference is the suits and dresses.

I’m on my way to head out and then I see her sitting at the bar. The look in her eyes matches mine. She is looking for something but she wasn’t finding it here. Her hair is in a braid. I haven’t seen a girl’s hair in a braid since I was 12. Her eyes are a piercing gray. I try not to stare but I’m pretty sure the whole world has stopped at this point. I’ve only been around her for a few seconds and I already feel possessive and a need to be near her. I quickly tell myself to shut the fuck up and get the fuck out of there. I’m trying to convince myself that I’m just horny and that this particular woman was just making my dick hard like all the other girls that catch my eye on a Friday night, but that isn’t what’s going on. I want to be near her, I want to touch her skin, I want to see her smile, and I want to see those grey eyes even closer. There was something about her. Everyone else in this town is boring, similar, a carbon copy. Everyone thinks they’re cool and sophisticated. Not her. I’m looking at her. She’s not dressed like any of the other women and she’s not drinking. I see a man approaching her, putting on his best smile for her. I feel something that I’ve never felt before in my entire life. Jealousy. Before my brain can even send a message to my feet, I find myself right next to the girl and the man who I want to punch in the face.

“Thanks for the offer, but really, I don’t drink.”

“Come on, a nice drink will loosen you up. You’ll have more fun.”

“No, really, thank you. I’m sure there’s another girl in here that would love a drink.”

“Not anyone as pretty as you.”

Any other woman would have smiled. Taken the offer. Not her. She had a huge scowl on her face and for reasons I don’t know, I’m liking her even more.

“Look mister, you’re sweet and all, but I don’t want a drink.”

“Come on, let me get you a drink.”

The man places his hand on her shoulder and she does not look happy. I don’t even know why and I’m well aware that she can take of herself already, but my anger drives me to my impulses.

“Hey, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Her eyes meet mine and I’m surprised I’m still standing. They are even more beautiful up close. I can see that she picks up on my cues. She’s smart. Great, another thing I like.

“Hey, I’ve been waiting for you to get here.”

Now I don’t believe I’m the most menacing figure but I’m no lightweight. The man looks at me and back at her and decides to leave.

“Sorry to bother. Guess I’ll be going.”

My anger is still very present. A guy like that shouldn’t even be in her presence.

“Thanks for that.”

Her lips move and I can’t help but notice their perfect rose hue and how soft they are. No woman has ever done this to me. It’s not just desire. I want to consume her and I’ve only been aware of her for the entirety of 5 minutes.

“It’s not a problem. I saw you from across the bar and the man bothering you. I thought I’d help out.”

“Well, thank you.”

I’m usually good with women but I’m finding myself nervous and without words. I would be a gentleman, have done my duty, and leave, but maybe I’m just imagining it but I think she’s giving me a look so intense that’s it’s telling me to stay. We stay like this for a good minute before I finally speak.

“Well, I’m glad I could be of help. Have a good night.”

“Do you have someone waiting for you?”

I’m taken aback by this question, but I answer with the truth.

“Um, no, I don’t. I just figured I’d let you get back to what you were doing.”

“ I wasn’t doing much. Just thinkin’.”

“About what?”

“Well, you’re gonna have to sit with me if you want to start a conversation.”

She smiles after she says this and I think for a split second that it’s the first time I’ve feel pure joy since the time my dad made me a birthday cake on my 4th birthday. It was before my mom starting abusing me, when things in life were so much simpler and so much more innocent.

“Ok, well that sounds fair. So tell me, what were you thinking about?”

“Hey, I gotta know your name first. Can’t just be sharing all my life story with a stranger now, can I?

For the first time in years, I’m heartily laughing.

“No, I guess you can’t. I’m Peeta. Peeta Mellark.”

“Nice to meet you, Peeta. I’m Katniss Everdeen.”

Katniss. I hope that name will be coming out my mouth for a long time.

“That’s a pretty name. So tell me Katniss, what were you thinking about?”

“Have you ever noticed how beautiful the snow is this time of year. Reminds me of my childhood. I use to play in the snow with my father. I’m thinking about how much I miss those times.”

I’m struck by what’s she’s sharing with me and how vulnerable she is. I’m wondering why she’s being so open with me but I’m also not questioning it. I’m merely thanking the God that I don’t believe in for this night.

“That sounds really nice. Do you still get to go back home sometimes?”

Her face changes. The joy that was once there quickly fades into a sadness that I happen to know really well. I anticipate what she might tell me.

“I don’t have a home. Not anymore really. My father passed away when I was 11. Accident at work. I still remember that day it happened. If it was possible to die on the inside but still be alive, that’s what happened to me.”

A tear runs down her cheek. My heart is completely aching at her revelation. I almost feel guilty being here during this moment.

“I’m sorry for crying. I miss him every single day of my life.”

Even though I just met this woman, I feel so close to her. Is this even possible? Without putting much thought into it, I embrace her and wrap her in my arms. I don’t know what she’ll think or how she’ll react but my only goal is to comfort her and to make her feel ok in this moment. She might be the first person who’s ever brought out this side in me. I feel her initially become tense in my arms but then I sense her feel at ease. I don’t know why or how any of this makes sense, but embracing her, talking to her, caring for her feels like the most natural thing in the world. It almost feels like this is what my life was meant to be.

After a minute or two like this, she comes up and curves a small smile.

“Thanks. I needed that.”

“You welcome.”

“It’s just so hard sometimes, being out here along without anyone.”

“What happened to the rest of your family, if I may ask?”

“Don’t worry, you can ask. My mom lost it after my father died. She eventually became ill with cancer but I really think it was the sadness of it all that got to her. Her body was just expressing what her heart was feeling since he died. And then my sister, my beautiful sister. I still have her in my life. She visits me sometimes, but I promised I wouldn’t hold her back. She went off to be a nurse, and a great nurse at that, but I keep my distance. I don’t want her to worry about me or think she needs to take care of me or help me so I went my separate way. I never wanted to be a burden on her.”

“Well, why would you be a burden?”

“I took dad’s death much harder than she did. She was so young. I don’t think I ever fully recovered emotionally. I think I’m still dead inside. I just didn’t want to be this dark person my sister had around all the time. She’s still got a bright light in her and me, I’m just a dark veil. I didn’t want to fill her life with darkness and despair.”

Listening to Katniss talk about herself this way shocks me. For the little time I’ve known her, I’ve never felt more alive. I think back to why I came here in the first place. Something was missing in my life. Is it possible I’ve found it?

“Katniss, I know I just met you but you are definitely not a dark presence and I’m sorry that you have felt dead inside for so long. You know, wherever your father is, I bet he’s looking after you and would want nothing more than for you to live your life. I may be overstepping my boundaries, but maybe there’s a way to bring some life back into you. You certainly seem like you deserve it.”

Katniss’ grey eyes meet mine. I don’t see sadness nor joy but an entirely different emotion altogether. I try to place it but I just can’t. She quickly looks down and I wonder if I have said the wrong thing.

“Those sure are nice words coming from a stranger.”

“I tend to have a way with words in general but I truly mean it.”

She smiles at me and my heart pitter-patters and I think my stomach does a flip. What is this girl doing to me!?

“I just realized I’ve been talking about myself this whole time. I don’t know anything about you, Peeta Mellark.”

Hearing my name come out of her sends shivers down my spine and to the tips of my toes and to another place that I’m trying not to think about right now.

“There’s not much to know.”

Technically, that’s a lie.

“Moved here from Pennsylvania 5 years ago. Haven’t looked back since.”

“Why did you head to the big city of Chicago.”

“Wanted something different,”

“Why?”

“You really wanna know.”

“Yea, I do.”

“To put it simply, my mother beat the shit out of me, a lot.”

I see the horror in Katniss’ beautiful grey eyes. I’m wondering if maybe I shouldn’t have told her. She does something I don’t expect. She takes a hold of my hand.

“I’m sorry.”

It’s only two words, but it means so much to me. The concern in her eyes reminds me of my father. Just like her, I’m suddenly thinking about the past.

“Where’s your dad?”

“Still in Pennsylvania. He would never leave my mom, even with everything. Hate is a strong word, but I think I hate her for what she’s done to me, what she’s done to my family. I had to leave. I love my dad. I miss him everyday but I had to find meaning. I had to find my own life. There’s just no turning back now.”

“I understand. Well, if it’s anything, I’m glad you’re here with me right now.”

“So am I.”

“I have to go. Work early in the morning.”

No, I don’t want her to leave.

“Would it be possible to see you again?”

“Yea, I would like that.”

Yes, she would like that ! (Yes yes yes yes and did I mention yes!)

“Would tomorrow be too soon?”

She laughs. I made her laugh. I love myself right now.

“I can’t tomorrow, but what about the day after, on Sunday? There’s this little café right down the street. How about we meet there at 1?”

“Ok, that sounds perfect.”

“Ok, see you there, Peeta”

Peeta. She said my name again. My heart is racing 5000 miles an hour and I’m already counting down the hours till Sunday afternoon.

———-

I arrive to the café about 15 minutes early. I’m not the type of person who arrives anywhere early but I didn’t want to miss her.

At exactly 1pm, I see her walking towards me. How is it that one person can become more and more beautiful. I’m pretty sure I’m openly gawking but at this point I don’t really care.

“Hi, Peeta. I’m glad you made it.”

“Ditto!”

We sit down and there is a chemistry between us that has no explanation. I’ve never felt this connected to someone in my whole life. I’m starting to get a little scared.

“So tell me Peeta, what do you do?

“I work at a bakery, baking cakes and other pastries. It’s a nice job.”

“Wow, that sounds pretty nice. You ever gonna bake for me?”

She wants me to bake for her, as in the future!? There’s gonna be a future?! Between us!? My stomach is doing that flip thing again.

“I’ll bake you anything you want. I make the best cheese buns. Never met anyone who wasn’t instantly addicted.”

“Well then, I expect a delivery to my apartment real soon!”

Oh my god, now I’m going to her apartment.

God, you’re being too good to me right now.

“How about you, Katniss?”

“Ok, I’ll tell you but don’t laugh at me.”

“Katniss, I would never laugh at you.”

The intensity in her eyes locks me in.

“I sing. I book a few places here and there. I work as a waitress a few hours a week during but I try to do the music thing for the most part. I don’t make much money and try to find work wherever I can. I like singing. It’s fun and it makes me happy.”

The only thought I have in my head is that she could sing to me any day and everyday

“That’s really cool. How about I make you those cheese buns and you sing for me!?”

“Deal!”

After hours of talking about everything from books to food (she’s a foodie!) to art, we finally head out.

“I had a really amazing time, Peeta.”

“I did too.”

Do I kiss her? I so want to kiss her. I don’t want to kiss her too soon though. I don’t want to ruin things. How long have I been talking to myself now? Luckily, she does something I don’t expect. She kisses me and it’s amazing.

“Wow!”

She giggles. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve heard in my entire life.

“I’ll see you soon Peeta?”

“Yes, you will!”

———- 

For the next month, I see Katniss almost everyday. It’s the best month of my entire life. There are laughs and hugs and kissing. So much kissing. I make her the cheese buns like I promised (and she loves them!). After she was done eating the first one, she licked her lips so seductively that my dick became hard instantly. She sang to me as promised. On that night, I told her I loved her. She smiled but didn’t return the sentiment. I didn’t let it get to me though. I knew she cared about me. I’d wait forever to hear those words out of her lips.

For a good month, our kisses have been so passionate. I’m not sure what stops us from going to the next level, until tonight. I finally have the balls to go after what I want.

I spray kisses across her collarbone. My hands are gently rubbing the sides of her stomach. Without thinking, I lightly grab her left breast. I instantly regret it. I’m so afraid to scare her or to lose her but to my surprise, Katniss responds. The look in her eyes is of pure desire but more importantly love. She pins me down on the bed. We’ve never kissed like this before. I feel Katniss’ hands slowly travel down to my belt. I don’t want her to regret anything.

“Katniss. We don’t have to. There’s no rush. We can wait.”

Katniss gives me the most intense look I’ve ever seen. If it’s at all possible, I think her eyes are on fire.

“Peeta. I want you. I want you now. I’ve wanted you since our eyes first met. When I’m with you, I feel alive. I haven’t felt this way, this sense of happiness since my dad was alive.”

A single tear falls down Katniss’ cheek.

“I feel safe in your arms. I feel loved. I want to show you how alive you make me feel. I want this. I want you.”

The fire in Katniss’ eyes return. Our lips instantly meet. My lips devour her. I’m running out of breath because of the intensity of our kisses. My lips feel swollen in a good way.

As I enter her, her eyes remain on me. I feel so connected to her. So in love. She whispers my name repeatedly in my ear. She screams over and over again in pleasure. I feel her tighten around me and I can’t hold on much longer. The only thing I can think of is how amazing this all feels and how real it all is.

With everything that has happened in my life, I never thought I’d find this sense of peace and happiness. For the first time in my life, here being with Katniss, I feel like I’ve seen God.

We lay there afterwards. She’s snuggled into my arms. I hear her whisper my name.

“Peeta … I love you.”

Thank you, God.

“Katniss, you’re everything to me. You’ve given me faith in life again. I look forward to everyday because of you. I love you so much. I never thought I could feel this way.”

Me and Katniss’ lips meet again and we’re entangled with each other the whole night. It’s a night full of passion, tender kisses, and most of all, love.

———- 

I thought I was nervous the day that I spoke to Katniss, the day that we first kissed, and the day we first made love, but those nerves absolutely do not compare to the nerves I feel right now. I have the ring, a beautiful heart-shaped stone is in between two diamonds. At certain angles, the ring looks like it’s ablaze. That’s when I knew it was the ring for her. I’m nearing Mockingjay’s where we first met. I walk in and my breath is taken away just like the first time, I find myself staring at her. She’s even more beautiful than she was that day. My heart is racing. I feel like I might be sick but I promised myself I would do this today, here.

“Excuse me miss, can I get you a drink?”

“Why you can get me anything you’d like sir.”

I hope that includes a ring.

We engage in silly banter for a bit. Kiss, kiss and kiss some more.

“You know, I’m surprised you wanted to come here. We haven’t been here in months.”

“Yea, I figured it’s been a while.”

My nerves begin to show and Katniss can read me better than anyone.

“Peeta, sweetheart, what’s wrong? You look like you might be sick.”

Ok, here goes. It’s now or never.

“Katniss…I love you. You are the most amazing, beautiful, wonderful person I’ve ever known. You, you’re everything to me. I can’t imagine my life without you.”

Here it comes.

“Katniss Everdeen, will you marry me?”

The look on Katniss’ face lets me know that she definitely wasn’t expecting this.

Silence fills the space between us. Oh my god. I’m about to fall in a panic when she kisses me repeatedly.

“Peeta! Of Course! I love you” Kiss “I love you” Kiss “I love you so much” Kiss.

If there’s a heaven, this must be it.

Katniss gives me another kiss. We don’t even stay at the bar for more than 5 minutes before Katniss and I are on our way back to my place.

Thank God I’m wearing a relatively old shirt because after Katniss rips it apart, it’s pretty much no longer usable.

I’ve never seen Katniss this aggressive. I like it. When I see her mouth take all of me in, I think I might actually have a heart attack. I hold on to the sheets as I’m close to reaching my climax.

My lips eventually find her sweet pussy. I’m addicted to her. I never get tired of feeling Katniss in my mouth, of tasting her. Katniss screams my name with such a raw need that it makes me hard beyond belief.

We make love over and over (and over) . At the end, we’re spent. I’m lying here thinking how lucky I am. I turn to Katniss. Those grey eyes that first pulled me in that first night are looking at me.

“I love you so much, future Mrs. Mellark.”

I kiss her on the nose. Pepper her entire face with kisses.

“Peeta, I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Katniss, the girl with the grey eyes, the girl who changed my life, the girl on fire, the girl who made me believe it could be good again.

Yup, I definitely believe in God now.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed the story! Always feel free to send me feedback! Thank you to everyone who has helped me out throughout this process and offered me encouragement and support! I greatly appreciate it! :)
> 
> Follow me on tumblr: mellarkberries


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